Funny Exam Answers

As a teacher I mark 1000s of exam papers every year, generally this is pretty boring but it can be enlivened by spelling errors and other daft ideas.These are actual answers to English GCSE exams taken by 16 year olds.

Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and travelled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth

Actually, Homer was not written by Homer, but by another man of that name.

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.

Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."

Joan of Arc was burn to a steak and was canonised by Bernard Shaw. Finally, Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offence.

In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.

Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.

It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of the blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking

Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died of this.

During the Renaissance, history began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America whilst cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.

The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West.

My personal favourite paper to mark, was completely empty apart from one sentence.
“ Jesus, Please Help Me.”

I wanted to give it at least one mark, but it wasn’t in the mark scheme.



True Funny Exam Answers
It's hard to believe these exam answers are true, I know standards are slipping but...

They do seem very funny though

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Presumably also the inspiration of Vivaldi (don't forget the Ketchup)

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be
made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

TECHNOLOGY
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.

RELIGION
Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs.